Friendships

i think friendships are really challenging and is something i have not talked about or write about before because i have been burnt a couple of times before with people i call friends over the years. when i was younger i thought friendships meant to only be transactional. you are only friends with me because you want to copy homework from me and vice versa. but as i got older and wonder why some friends come and go. i decided to change that mentality and really put time and make the effort for people who I come across in life.

friendships are always interesting. you pick a random human being, chat them up and then something click and go damn i like this chick or this dude. lets be friends. i like you.

but of course as we get older, it isnt as simple as that anymore. for people we work with, they become collegagues, and then there’s a fine line between friends or just work friends. crushes or crashes. friendzone or fuck buddies and then there clients-friends, acquantances and just randomnness.

Being cybered bullied by a really good friend when i was 14 burnt me really deep that took me more than 10 years to recognize, unpack and work through those emotions and trauma.

so i played it really safe after i graduated and went to college. i was worried someone would know i was such a loser and would not want to be friends with me so i played this very aloof, too cool for school girl and only made friends with certain people. it was hard. I was hard.

but that also didnt work. so i just decided to be friends with anyone that i crossed path with. clients i meet in fitness classes, chatting up fellow fitness coaches and just random people and then when i find that i click with a certain somoene more. i go- lets hang out outside fitness class too!

that worked for a long time. clients became friends, coaches became friends and so on. but I still got burnt from certain friendships but i guess we won’t really friends to begin with. it wasnt easy. it still burn real good and it stink real deep. it doesnt get easier when you get older. it just sucks all together.

so here i am at 32 years old mom still figuring out this whole friendship thing. do you want to be friends? how about you? do you want to be my friend? i just know to not hold grudges anymore and be more open to people. i used to want to explain myself, make it all better but… peolple walk into my life for a reason and just as easy they did that. they can walk out too.

it would break my heart soo much more if and when freya goes through a friendship break up or gets bullied in school. i know it would stink and she wouldn’t understand it but i will be there to guide her and help her up when that day comes and tell her this things aint easy… but necessary. it makes us stronger and think about our life and make different and maybe even better decisions from there.

there’s a quote i heard a long time ago and it still holds true today.

“You know someone’s special to you when… you don’t talk for a while because things get busy but when you two eventually do it’s like you didn’t miss a beat. You talk like there was no gap in between and you laugh until both your stomachs hurt. It’s a rare and special connection and personally I think it’s pure magic. If you ever find someone like this in your life, never let them go.”

thank you for being here, friend.

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