#manicmonday

Faith and love 
It’s been two weeks and I have not been as diligent in writing about what’s happening in my world and everything in between down. I call this running away, because.. I am. I write because it keeps me sane, it’s my outlet, it help me not murder everyone around me as frequently as I like to. And I just been running away because I’m afraid to face what’s going in my head.
As I was about to write this post. I got scared. I’m about to get a hair cut. Maybe that’s why, maybe not. My mind had been all over the place, sooo all over the place. Last week the boyfriend and I went on a trip to our fave place in SEA, Khao Lak. God damn! The place is just a slice of heaven on earth. Seriously. I’ve never seen Hawaii in my life but if the boyfriend who has been to Hawaii thinks Khao Lak is just as beautiful as Hawaii. Come on!  
As you can see I’m not very coherent today as I’m writing from all over the place. Anyway, I like change. I have a problem with routine and I get bored of it but I’m scared of change at the same time. I’m scared of not knowing how next few months are gonna be like, not as afraid of how next year is gonna be like. I like constant, continuity, and knowing tomorrow even though there’s no way to know what tomorrow is going to be like. But I believe somehow we are still able to control that small part. By planning our everyday especially today… Baby steps right? 
As I reflect upon my life, I like comparing. I like thinking last week, yesterday, last year was better than what I’m going through today. Which for the most part it is entirely not true. Hell yah it’s different but that doesn’t mean it’s entirely shit. 
I feel very stressed this semester and I do not know how to comprehend it at all. I feel like I’ve been in school for 2 years now and I should be in somewhat used to it and have somewhat of a routine. I do… And I also don’t. I don’t because I am basically doing school and work full time for the longest time. I’m so used to giving 50-70% on school and work most of the time that now having to give school my main focus, I feel like I’m not truly giving my all. unless it’s time for crunch time like exams. If not I’m pretty much doing everything a little and a step at a time 

I dare say generally on the most part and on the appearance, I’m a happy go lucky type of person. I’m still not as receptive to change but give me time and keep reminding me, I know I’ll get there. 
Can I be honest with you? I don’t have a lot of money. My parents basically cut me off and I don’t have a full time job at the moment. Yup, that’s the reality of it. But you wanna know what’s my saving grace? Faith and love. I have faith that I’ll find something that I truly believe in that pays. I have love because I’ve a man beside me that truly believes in me no matter what’s the circumstances. He’s always there to pull me out of the rut and he doesn’t need to do it in a grand gesture. He just need to be there when I need a hand to hold when I get scared and I’m saying too many “I don’t knows” 

I’m going to focus on my exams in the month of May as I figure out the rest of the 6 months is going to be like. In the meantime, listen to Beyoncé new album and slayyyyyyyy life and don’t forget to have red lobster evey once in awhile 😏😏😏 

Live your life according to the words you want it to be written on your grave stone. After you die, people may talk about all the achievements you had but they will remember the life you had led, the people you have around you, the people you have inspired and the legacy you carry fourth. You might be a billionaire but no one will remember the money you have but the personality and heart you have…