Dreams / Reality


As I lay in bed to hug my *chouchou, switch my phone to airplane mode and attempt to sleep. I can’t help but wonder and reflect about my personal life, about everything that has happened in my life right up to this very point. I do it almost every night and It is kinda crazy and sometimes really unnecessary (because i end up having to need a melatonin to sleep) . I’ve never felt more penniless, hungry, tired and still no where near achieving my goals. But I am happy. Maybe content would be a better word as there are still so many other things that I am not happy about but in general, I know I am okay and I need to remember that…

But I don’t….


I don’t think people ask themselves that enough. I ask myself  that every single day and maybe too much. there is definitely something very wrong with me that is affecting my mental capabilities. have you ever walked around the streets and suddenly you don’t know where you belong. have you ever been to a bar, and be laughing with your friends for a minute but in the next minute, you feel soo alone and out of place? have you ever felt like you shouldn’t exist at all.

my answer: Yes to all of the above.

*chouchou: smelly smelly in chinese, its a nickname i call my baby pillow.